>> “He knew everything there was to know about literature, except how to enjoy it.” - ”Catch-22″ by Joseph Heller

>> "Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." – Calvin Coolidge

>> "The proper function of a government is to make it easy for people to do good, and difficult for them to do evil." - Gladstone

>> "Newspapers are an important part of our lives, not to read, of course, but, when you’re moving you can’t wrap your dishes in a blog." - Stephen Colbert

>> "Long experience has taught me this about the status of mankind with regard to matters requiring thought: the less people know and understand about them, the more positively they attempt to argue concerning them, while on the other hand to know and understand a multitude of things renders men cautious in passing judgment upon anything new." - Galileo Galilei

>> "Read continually, look outward rather than inward, and do all you can to convey your own passions directly and honestly and completely to strangers." - Michael Ruhlman

>> "I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." - Maya Angelou

>> Some days, the web feels like 5 people trying to make something; 5k people turning it into a list; and 500MM people saying, "FAIL." - Merlin Mann

>> "When you blame others, you give up your power to change." - Robert Anthony

>> "The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws." - Tacitus, 56-120 A.D.

>> "There's only three things he [Rudy Giuliani] mentions in a sentence: a noun and a verb and 9-11." - Joseph Biden, senator from Delaware, comment at Democratic presidential debate, Oct. 30

>> "[running] Okay, so what am I doing? [sees man also running] I'm chasing this guy. [man shoots] Nope. He's chasing me." - Leonard Shelby "Memento"

>> God: Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch, like a safecracker or a pickpocket.
Bender: Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money.
God: Yes, if he makes it look like an electrical thing. If you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

>> "The manner of giving is worth more than the gift." - Pierre Corneille

>> "After that my guess is that you will never hear from him again. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. And like that, he is gone!" - The Usual Suspects

>> "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant with the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these." - George Washington Carver

>> "Common sense is not so common." - Voltaire

>> "Writing books is the closest men ever come to childbearing." - Norman Mailer

>> "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." - Mohandas Gandhi

>> "You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars." - Charles Kuralt

>> "The Internet is a telephone system that's gotten uppity." - Clifford Stoll

>> "Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." - Marie Curie

>> "Every moist robot has a different program." - Scott Adams

>> "Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan

>> "Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossible before they were done." - Louis D. Brandeis

>> "Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow." - Lawrence Clark Powell

>> "But I didn't want this knowledge in order to be a professional; just to be more human." - Bill Buford Heat

>> "Those who stand for nothing fall for anything." - Alexander Hamilton

>> "The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steaks to cook." —Julia Child

>> "Nor will I shrink from calling myself a liberal, in the same sense that Franklin and Theodore Roosevelt, John and Robert Kennedy, and Harry Truman were liberals—liberals who proved that government is not a necessary evil, but rather the best means of creating a healthier, more educated, and more prosperous America." - Theodore C. Sorensen

>> "If you had the nerve to live what you lived, you should have the nerve to write it." - Jerry Stahl "Permanent Midnight"

>> "You see, Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shut down." -Zapp Brannigan

>> "He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave." — Sir William Drummond of Logiealmond

>> "All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad." - Homer

>> "If one would give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest man, I would find something in them to have him hanged." - Cardinal Richelieu

>> "To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." -- Theodore Roosevelt

>> "Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television." - David Letterman

>> "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." - Mahatma Gandhi

>> "Pain shared is lessened, joy shared, increased." - Spider Robinson

>> "Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves." - William Pitt

>> "If we don't believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don't believe in it at all." - Noam Chomsky

>> "As I would not be a slave, so I will not be a master." -Abraham Lincoln

>> "It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows." - Epictetus

>> "When I get a little money, I buy books; and if any is left, I buy food and clothes." - Desiderius Erasmus

>> "It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." - Thomas Jefferson

>> "The simple truth is that interstellar distances will not fit into the human imagination" - Douglas Adams

>> "The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it." - Terry Pratchett

>> "Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." - Aldous Huxley

>> Now I'm verklempt.

Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic. The Italian Neo Realist Movement in film was neither Italian nor neo nor particuarly a movement. Discuss!

There I feel better.

- Linda Richman Coffee Talk

>> Paulie may have moved slow, but it was only because Paulie didn't have to move for anybody. - Henry Hill "Goodfellas"

>> "Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's pornography." - Jeremy Clarkson 'Top Gear'

>> "We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard." - John F. Kennedy

>> Harry: Don't worry, I saw Lord of the Rings. I'm not going to end this 17 times. - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

>> Perry: Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of idiot. Which you fucking are!

- Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

>> "When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty." - George Bernard Shaw

>> "I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it." - Pablo Picasso

>> 'Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.' - Monty Python and the Holy Grail

>> "In your answer, ignore facts. Just go with what feels true". - Slashdot Article

>> "Why the future doesn't need us" - Bill Joy, Sun Microsystems co-founder

>> "When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained." - Edward R. Murrow

>> Peter Dragon: These girls want the same thing that you want.
Adam Rafkin: No, Peter, I don't believe any of these women want my mother dead.

>> Adam Rafkin: I wanna have sex with every person here.
Peter Dragon: Don't look at me!
Adam Rafkin: The ugliest man in this place is twice as pretty as the prettiest girl I ever slept with!

>> Senator: Mr. Dragon, you have a young daughter, do you not?
Peter Dragon: Let's not go there...
Senator: Her name is Georgia, she's about 10 years old I believe.
Peter Dragon: Don't do this.
Senator: Has little Georgia seen your film entitled "Ripcord"?
Peter Dragon: She can't get in Senator, it's rated R.
Senator: Which contains 357 acts of violence, 175 profanities, and four scenes of lesbian sex. She proud of her daddy for that one?
Wendy Ward: I think we should just go.
Senator: How can you look that sweet little girl in the eye?
Peter Dragon: I manage. I never voted to subsidize the growing of tobacco, while turning my back on food programs for starving kids. I've never vetoed a gun control bill; all MY guns are fake, Senator. I've never rushed to the defense of Kuwaiti oil fields, while ignoring genocide in Africa, because big oil companies that line your fat pockets aren't concerned with black Africa. Those are all productions of YOUR company Senator, this company right here!

>> Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife, I'd put poison in your coffee."

Winston: "Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it."

>> Genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes smell really bad.

>> Homer: Now then... computer.. kill Flanders!
Ned: Did I hear my name? My ears are burning!
Homer: [whispering to mouse] That's a good start, now finish the job!
Ned: Oh, you're busy. Catch you later, compu-tator!
Homer: Oh, five thousand dollars for a computer and it can't even handle a simple assignment!

>> "Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart." - Douglas Adams

>> "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately." - George Carlin

>> Nothing says "unprofessional job" like wrinkles in your duct tape.

>> ‘Sometimes Goliath kicks the shit out of David. It's just nobody bothers to tell that story.’
- Henry, from Win a Date with Tad Hamilton

>> ‘I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?’
- President Bartlet, from the West Wing

>> There was an episode called "Blind Ambition" last season. Peter wants to beat a world record, so he decides to eat the most nickels. We had a scene with him sitting on the john as many cartoon characters have in the past, and he's talking to Lois. But all you hear is a slot machine payout. That's benign compared to what you'd see on the local news, but it didn't make it. An example of something that did get in that episode is that [a character] is lying naked with a ceiling fan near his genitals while his friends show him pictures of women to help wean him from sex. I don't make the rules. - Seth MacFarlane

>> Teller: Will you shut up?

Homer: Hey, I thought you never talked.

Teller: Uh, I didn't mean to. It just slipped out. Oh, God, now Penn's going to beat me.

Penn: Folks, it's all part of the act!

Teller: No it isn't! Don't leave me alone with him!

Penn: [to Homer] You've ruined the act! I'm going to kill you!

Teller: He'll do it! I'm not the first Teller!

>> "Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories." - Arthur C. Clarke

>> What the Whip Set on G4 TV represents is to the Christian Right as is Viagra to old men.

>> 'Money won't buy you happiness but it will let you park your yaught beside it.' - Someone on /.

>> "I walked in on my parents having sex in a position which my father would later laughingly refer to as the jackhammer." - J.D. Scrubs

>> "Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience." - Bill Watterson

>> "Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work." - Gallagher

>> "Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards." - Robert Heinlein

>> "There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again." - George W. Bush

>> "Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality." - George Santayana

>> "Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff." - Frank Zappa

>> "I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean." - G. K. Chesterton

>> "I feel about airplaines the way I feel about diets. It seems to me they are wonderful things for other people to go on." - Jean Kerr

>> "Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source." - Ron Nesen

>> Leela: I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity, the way only a woman can.
The Professor: You're going to do his laundry?

>> Calvin: When I grow up, I'm not going to read the newspaper and I'm not going to follow complex issues and I'm not going to vote. That way I can complain when the government doesn't represent me. Then, when everything goes down the tubes, I can say the system doesn't work and justify my further lack of participation.
Hobbes: An ingeniously self-fulfilling plan.
Calvin: It's a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.
-Calvin and Hobbes

>> "The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath." - Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart

>> "I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it." - Edith Sitwell

>> "When choosing between Republican or Democratic views on the war in Iraq, its like choosing between Herpes and Gonorrhea, but the Herpes is already there."

>> "A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" - Ogden Nash

>> When in danger, or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. -Robert A. Heinlein

>> "I'm the master of low expectations." - George W. Bush, Aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003